Q: What is the significance of the lighting of candles at a bar/bat mitzvah?
Where did this custom come from? My son will become a bar mitzvah in June
of 1997. We are having a luncheon in our back yard following the service.
We were not planning to light any candles. Is this appropriate?
A: Also, are there any books which he could read that would make this
day more meaningful to him?
So glad you asked. There is NO significance to the candle lighting! It
was invented by caterers, and one scholar of American Jewish ephemera
suggests that it is a combination birthday cake thing/extension of aliyot.
It is unnecessary, though harmless.
As for useful books, let me conquer my own modesty and suggest my own
book, Putting God on the Guest List: How To Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning
of Your Child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah, available in all bookstores or through
the publisher, Jewish Lights Publishing, 802-457-4000. I have also recently
written a children's version of that book. It is called For Kids: Putting
God on Your Guest List, same publisher.
